Between the economy and cost of living, the high prices of phones, and lackluster releases these last several years (since 2020 at least), I don’t give this surprising at all.

I’m going to drive my iPhone 12 mini until it dies, then I’ll look at phones. Each year I look and there’s nothing new.

Here’s the upcoming release from all manufacturers in 2024:

the new Pro Phone Maximum Erection Pro Version in Pro Green (blue was so 2023) has a 6.7" SuperLiquidThunderCat™️ screen. The camera is even better, it’s Pro! With more AI it’ll fuck around with your precious memories so you forget you ever had that ugly cousin, you’ll be like “who’s that supermodel with the Halloween mask skin”?! The camera has 130 lenses and lens equivalents (that means preset zoom levels, for all you non Pros). The battery is even better this year, it lasts barely longer than your already good enough battery life, but now it’s Pro. And with these new AI features, your battery drains 30% faster, and we’ll scan every text message and photo you have and send it to the cloud for training. Pro! AI!