It’s hard to find the balance between letting the joke breathe versus making it too obvious. I’m not sure I hit that balance this time, but it seemed less funny any other way I could think to say it.

That’s true.

With a T9 phone, I used to be able to send a complete text message without ever taking my eyes off the road.

Now that I’ve got a touchscreen I’m swerving all over the place every time I try to text. It’s way less safe.

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Fuck. I’ve gotten so used to it on reddit that I didn’t even notice it this time.

My daughter once asked me, “Do rainbows stop the rain?”

She was three and, in my opinion, very insightful. These rainbows keep showing up right about the time the rain stops. A little too convenient to be a coincidence, right?

“customers are shopping more with Kroger now than ever because we are fighting inflation and providing great value.”

I call shenanigans. I don’t always pay close attention to the prices of all the things I buy, but one thing I do pay attention on is soda. (Probably because it’s bad for me, so I give myself additional justification to buy it or not.)

And amidst all this “inflation”, and all the talk about lowering prices back down to reasonable levels Kroger’s price just on soda just jumped 25%.

Years ago I used to get a 12-pack for $5, and sometimes there’d be a 3-for-$12 deal. When COVID hit, it was 3-for-$15. Post-COVID, $7 a box. When they raised it to $8, I stopped buying it unless it’s on sale or if my wife specifically requests it, and then I only buy one.

Then I went to Kroger a few weeks ago, and the only way to get a price under $8/box was to sign up for something on their app and sell them my personal information. So I decided not to buy from Kroger anymore.

This week my wife specifically requested a box, I was in Kroger anyway, and now it’s $10/box or 3-for-$8. Fuck that. They hit their limit with me, and there are no circumstances in which I’m paying that much for soda.

Thank you. I agree about many comics straining to find humor. That’s why I don’t make very many comics.

Past me is absolutely furious that I don’t have one ready. We switched to a pagoda style fountain a few years ago, so the best I can do is this low quality picture of him from 14 years ago as a kitten.

Bucky’s little sister passed last year, and although she was overall a much stranger cat, she drank from the waterfall part of the fountain. Sometimes Bucky would get in uncomfortably close and stare at her mouth while she was drinking. It’s hard not to imagine him unable to see the water, thinking, “What are you even doing?? There’s nothing there!”

Sorry for your loss. I hear it’s supposed to get easier, but personally I’m still waiting.

Fun fact: I almost embarrassed myself and wrote “geckering”, but my wife corrected me at the last second.

Geckering is how monkeys laugh. Foxes gekker.

Then I won’t do that. Thanks for pointing that out.

Yes it is.