If they can’t text me I don’t want to deal with them.

A very long time ago I was on psychedelics at a Phish show. I had a blast at the show, but the venue also had an upcoming Guy Fieri event and I ended up confronted with massive posters that were just Guy Fieri’s weird head everywhere. I had a really bad time for a while until I got out of there. Just frosted tips and flames as far as the eye could see. I had welcome to flavortown on loop in my head and in that moment I experienced true cosmic horror at the idea that Guy Fieri existed in our universe and we were powerless to stop it.

This picture is like that.

This reminds me of the time my group played a kobold campaign. We found a halfling scout and dealt with him. Then we made an improvised catapult and launched his corpse into the middle of his camp. And then we snuck in and wiped the rest of the halfling party while they were trying to figure out what was happening.

One of the guys in our party put skills in cooking and rolled a nat 20 making halfling jerky. A few sessions later a wizard or whatever granted us a wish, and we wished for our supply of nat 20 halfling jerky to never run out.

So now we’re rolling around the countryside raising hell and handing out halfling jerky to everyone because it is now the most powerful diplomatic tool in our arsenal. We never told anyone what it was made out of and pretty much any NPC who didn’t want to kill us on sight got a piece.

I don’t remember what happened to the party. I think our GM gave up in disgust after a while. Good times.

The horny brig? You mean the room Riker insists is just his satellite office?

“Who’s the guy in the back with the captain’s insignia and the log?” “We call him the Log Captain.”

“Number One, how did you find my Scrooge performance?”

“Grouchy, sir. Definitely grouchy.”

“Not… curmudgeonly?”

“Definitely whatever that is. And mean, smelly, and ugly too.”

“…”

Some Risa memes I can actually hear when I read them. This is one of them.

https://youtu.be/UO5ThFd5qas?si=QScl0GzXbyZMpsk1

Prophet Margins: Eighteen Inches of Linear Time

Give 'em hell!

It is time for my brother to admit he does not remember this week’s Trial of Intelligence.

This is glorious.

Yep. Our friends flew one for a 4th of July party and one of the party guests took them aside and explained what it looked like to a casual observer.

“Captain’s Log, supplemental.”

I figured out what’s missing. He needs a shiny H on his forehead.