Can you share what the final desired goal is? It sounds like your goal is actually to provide your services to Bob securely over the internet, is that a fair description? You mentioned eventually grabbing a domain, how do you feel about publicly exposed services with authentication? For instance, I use authentik in front of Jellyfin and paperless myself for a little extra authentication juice.
I get the joke, but with no prior context it’s kind of a jerk move to assume the player already opened it if they asked for a perception OR an investigation. A Mimic would normally just ambush you OR attack when the player opens them. If it was opened it’s probably already attacking, and if it was closed then performing a perception shouldn’t cause initiative until rolled (if the mimic noticed you noticing it, for instance).
I’ll…I’ll crawl back into my dingy nerd tavern now…