I have a startling revelation. Upon closer inspection it was a piece of wood.

I have lied to you all.

I truly wish I had the mental fortitude to push through the issues I have expressing myself to just, via sheer willpower, precisely describe my emotional state while in the middle of grappling with it.

An easy way to say “I’m not, I’m not sure what is wrong, and explaining anymore than this is going to somehow make it worse in my mind. What I really want is for you to pick up on the fact that I’m struggling and just be supportive but explaining all that in this moment is overwhelming.” Even getting that out can be difficult in the moment because internally I haven’t unkinked the knot enough to figure it out. Sometimes I’m not yet aware that I’m not okay.

So “I’m fine” comes out.

Thankfully my wife is very used to paying attention to the nonverbal cues of her husband (me) after many years of happy marriage. Communication is so much more than just words. If you’re in tune enough to ask then it’s safe to assume something is up.

Sorry your relationships have been with people like me. Hope you find that right person for you :)