✓ Overdosed on shotgun X

Yes.

Whoa. Sooooooooooo many neurons just connected. This is something i always knew, but didn’t know i knew.

No. SLC zoning laws don’t allow for fruity domeciles, in every sense of the word.

They live under a rock. At the end of a cul-de-sac. In Salt Lake.

And then doubling down.

People that think their idiotic opinion is shared by everyone are simultaneously hilarious and draining.

I thought that was an old Internet rumor, like the one where Marilyn Manson removed ribs to give himself head…

That’s what i said!

Hmmm-Mmmm-MMMM-Mmmmm-mmmmm

We’ve ALL got a chicken-duck-woman-thing waiting for us.

Wait! That’s no snail! Oh no! It’s Shia LeBouf!

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

“…so, anyway, as i was say–”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

“…”

And if you were on the receiving end, you heard the slam. Or, so I’ve been told…

“YOU’RE AN INANIMATE OBJECT!!!”

We’ve had one snacky snack, yes. What about second snacky snack?

“…pants?”

Oh man, i know.

Back in the day, I used to run a shuttle of a dozen dogs to what’s it called? Magnuson Park? Something like that in Seattle. And it’s simply not possible to keep track of 12 dogs chocolate landmines, so I’d inevitably pick up three or four “cold ones” each trip.

ITT: I’ve found home. Y’all are my peeps.

Unless you grab the wrong loaf… chilly surprise!

More than once, I’ve packed a bowl, only to need search and rescue to locate the suddenly missing lighter. That I’m clutching. In my hand…

I love taking advantage of that whole “where’s my phone” panic.

Say we go grab a beer after work. I’ll take a picture of your phone when you go to the restroom, and then after you go home, I’ll send you a text with the picture of your phone saying “you forgot your phone.” People seem to forget they’ve received that text…on their phone.

Another one i did once was after meeting my gf for lunch, she had school and i had work. We’re side-by-side at a red light, so i call her and ask if she knows where she put her phone. And i watched through the window as she proceeded her tear her car to ribbons as she can’t find her phone in her car. My giggles are what gave the game away.