it has a taste for manflesh, we are lost

Their fingers will be coated in butter

oh man. maximum gravity submission is the shit.

something something Ai powered something

I went to a midnight showing in LA and Harrison Ford was there with his kid. Just to re-enforce that Harrison Ford is cooler than your family.

This weird old elf/woman forces herself onboard and starts destroying everything. Then she does it again but this time she sees a hologram of herself and is like, “oh, sorry. guess I’ll go home now. bye.”

Beans

but, I need to just sit and stare out the window for a while

Where’s diabeetus?

John and Kate Plus 8, what a romance. Written in the stars.

Please, cash register person. Please, for the love of all that is sacred in human interaction. Please, do not ask me what I’m making with my groceries. It’s shame, that is what I’m making. The shame of the pre-made overpriced snack that become an entire meal on the couch. Or the shame of my best intentions fresh and healthy items rotting in the back of the fridge. SHAME IS WHAT I’M MAKING. ARE YOU HAPPY!?

Sorry OP, but we’re urgently trying to contact you about your cars extended warranty! We save car owners major money from the shock of expensive repairs with affordable extended coverage! For as low as a cup of coffee a day you can have the peace of mind when it comes to car repairs.

NYC Weather:

Winter- Smells like cold piss

Spring- Smells like piss

Summer- Smells like hot piss

Fall- Smells like piss and pumpkin spice

also combat veteran PTSD day, school shooting victims PTSD day, fireworks assembly worker tragedy PTSD day, regular old gun violence survivor’s PTSD day

You forgot about…

🦅🎇🇺🇸FREEDOM DAY🇺🇸🎇🦅

turn the music down, I’m trying to see

BASEketball

A couch surfing hippy my room mate let stay with us for two horrible weeks decided to make some oily vegan garbage in our stock pot for a “thank you dinner”. I took one bite and almost puked from all the veggie oil she used. I asked if I could skim it off the top of the pot and she got all pissed, grabbed the pot and tried to flush it down our (only) toilet. It immediately overflowed a bunch of oily, undercooked, and flavorless crap onto our bathroom floor. There was much more drama after that involving an expensive bike, an ex boyfriend, unpaid roto-rooter bill, a rental steam cleaner, and new rules involving house guests. bonus: she used all of our food to make it, she bought nothing herself!

I think they should do a cleaning brigade gauntlet made of potential climbers. If you aclimate and clean well enough you get invited back for the next season depending on performance. Then, at the sherpa’s discretion, you may be allowed to summit. Sort of a “prove your worth first”. I bet the traffic jams and garbage would become a thing of the past.

Peak Shit