Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
From the vibe in this thread this is likely to get me bombed with downvotes, but the stakes are too high to take a gamble on whether a guy is “just intimidating” or a real threat to your safety. If a guy can’t take no for an answer in a bar chances are good he’s not going to take no in other situations either. And if I’m already uncomfortable, I’m not going to offer to make physical contact in the hopes the guy is just awkward.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on. If you can’t, or won’t, you’re part of the problem.
Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly. Have you heard about this thing called empathy with which you can walk in someone’s shoes and within a split-second see what their state of mind is.
This is precisely what I mean by having a broken threat and personality radar. “Oh I can’t tell” yeah then fix that. Learn to read people. If you need help with that, ask someone, but not on the internet this needs real-world experience.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on.
Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not talking about picking up girls, you are.
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly.
Wow, you’re so naive, if you aren’t a troll. You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction? So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Ted Bundy was known to be charming and charismatic… but this is by no means limited to serial killers. All kinds of people put on a facade every single day. Oftentimes it’s not even malicious.
You don’t always know who a person truly is, even if you THINK you know them. Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave. You hear from friends, family, neighbors of murderers and abusers say that they had no idea of that person’s dark behavior.
Say you have a jar full of candy that you’d like a piece of, but you know that there are a handful of pieces in the jar that will poison and kill you. There’s no way to know which is which. Would you not be wary, even though you know that most of them are probably fine?
You’re also forgetting about (or ignoring) the kinds of men that look away when their friends or family do/say things to women that aren’t ok.
Maybe those men aren’t openly misogynistic, and maybe they would never actively harm a woman themselves, but they’re also unsafe for us to be around when they do nothing to stop or object to their peers’ behavior. Those kinds of men are even more common than abusers. I certainly wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that, even if I knew with 100% certainty that they would never lay a hand on me.
You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction?
You can tell enough to know whether they’re safe to be around.
Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave.
Yes. As I said: Women have shit threat and personality radars. Many of those women probably were warned by men they knew. If they weren’t, then probably because people knew they wouldn’t listen.
So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Those look like they’re hiding something.
Seriously, this is a skill issue. Learn to relate to people. Get therapy if need be.
It’s naive to think that women who manage to not end up willingly entering relationship after relationship with abusive assholes are somehow just getting lucky. If it was a matter of chance you’d see a more even distribution but the distribution is lopsided, thus, it has to be a skill issue.
But if princess prefers to believe that she is too precious to acquire skills, that the world will bend to her dreams and wishes… I can only hope that luck will follow her around.
It doesn’t make you a poor judge of character to be lied to. Lying is easy. I hope for your sake you can continue to sit in the place of privilege, and not be deceived by someone you care about. That is an ignorance I wish on everyone.
It doesn’t make you a poor judge of character to be lied to. Lying is easy.
Oh no! It is impossible to tell if someone’s lying because it’s impossible to assess someone’s honesty because it’s impossible to emphasise with people!
That is an ignorance I wish on everyone.
Why would you be so cruel. In a healthy developmental process, you get lied to by your parents about the location of your nose so that you learn to not be too trusting. No, they didn’t actually steal it and yes, they did have tells.
What about “here is how you’ll be safer, how you’ll lead a nicer life, yes a safer and nicer life is possible” is victim blaming. I’m not blaming you for being fucked up, I’m encouraging you to fix it. If that offends you then you have deeper issues than assholes existing in the world.
It’s not your fault that society is fucked up, that interpersonal alienation is rampant, that people wear masks so heavy that they lose the capacity to see other people’s masks, but it would be your fault if it stays that way because the one you wear is your responsibility.
I don’t need to fix anything because I am not the problem. Historically, systemically and individually I am not the problem. I will continue to go about my life with my eyes wide open with risk assessment. I’m happy for you that you’re safe but I’m sad that you don’t seem able to listen to what all the women (and some men) in these comments are saying.
I will continue to go about my life with my eyes wide open with risk assessment.
It was you who asked, and I quote:
How can you tell which is which when they’re all dressed as men?
Which means you do have (not “are”) a problem: You can’t distinguish assholes from non-assholes. Or how else am I to interpret that question?
You asked for advise about the topic. I pointed you into directions and now somehow I’m the bad guy? I’m the asshole for providing you with information you, specifically, asked for? You’re accusing me of not listening to you because I answered your question?
If you want emotional support, ask for emotional support, don’t ask for solutions. I actually thought male-female relationships had evolved past that particular point of misunderstanding but it seems they haven’t.
When your response is “if in doubt, ask a man you trust” and women have shit threat radars, “tickling”.
Those are not solutions.
I wasn’t asking for solutions or emotional support.
Quick recap for you:
“How can you tell which is which when they’re all dressed as men?”
And then you responded withpatronising incorrect victim blaming bullshit 👏👏👏
You’re basically advocating the missing stair which is all kinda of fucked up. But also! Evidently men don’t know which one of you are risk factors - many of you don’t even see a risk.
It was a rhetorical question for reasons that you can’t or won’t understand.
Please tell me you’re joking or just a troll.
Where are you that everybody knows everybody else, including randoms at a bar or out on the street?
From the vibe in this thread this is likely to get me bombed with downvotes, but the stakes are too high to take a gamble on whether a guy is “just intimidating” or a real threat to your safety. If a guy can’t take no for an answer in a bar chances are good he’s not going to take no in other situations either. And if I’m already uncomfortable, I’m not going to offer to make physical contact in the hopes the guy is just awkward.
Accept the fact that they’re not into you and move on. If you can’t, or won’t, you’re part of the problem.
Why would you need to know someone to judge their character quickly. Have you heard about this thing called empathy with which you can walk in someone’s shoes and within a split-second see what their state of mind is.
This is precisely what I mean by having a broken threat and personality radar. “Oh I can’t tell” yeah then fix that. Learn to read people. If you need help with that, ask someone, but not on the internet this needs real-world experience.
Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not talking about picking up girls, you are.
Wow, you’re so naive, if you aren’t a troll. You seriously think you can know a person from just a few moments of interaction? So many people are great at masking their true thoughts and intentions.
Ted Bundy was known to be charming and charismatic… but this is by no means limited to serial killers. All kinds of people put on a facade every single day. Oftentimes it’s not even malicious.
You don’t always know who a person truly is, even if you THINK you know them. Women will get into relationships with men who seem lovely at first, and then they turn abusive as soon as they get married because they believe they’ve had her tied down enough so she won’t leave. You hear from friends, family, neighbors of murderers and abusers say that they had no idea of that person’s dark behavior.
Say you have a jar full of candy that you’d like a piece of, but you know that there are a handful of pieces in the jar that will poison and kill you. There’s no way to know which is which. Would you not be wary, even though you know that most of them are probably fine?
You’re also forgetting about (or ignoring) the kinds of men that look away when their friends or family do/say things to women that aren’t ok.
Maybe those men aren’t openly misogynistic, and maybe they would never actively harm a woman themselves, but they’re also unsafe for us to be around when they do nothing to stop or object to their peers’ behavior. Those kinds of men are even more common than abusers. I certainly wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that, even if I knew with 100% certainty that they would never lay a hand on me.
You can tell enough to know whether they’re safe to be around.
Yes. As I said: Women have shit threat and personality radars. Many of those women probably were warned by men they knew. If they weren’t, then probably because people knew they wouldn’t listen.
Those look like they’re hiding something.
Seriously, this is a skill issue. Learn to relate to people. Get therapy if need be.
lol. like I said… really fucking naive.
It’s naive to think that women who manage to not end up willingly entering relationship after relationship with abusive assholes are somehow just getting lucky. If it was a matter of chance you’d see a more even distribution but the distribution is lopsided, thus, it has to be a skill issue.
But if princess prefers to believe that she is too precious to acquire skills, that the world will bend to her dreams and wishes… I can only hope that luck will follow her around.
Do you have any women in your life with good judgment?
Yes.
and you’re a trustworthy man?
Fuck me. Victim blaming 101 here.
Not to mention plain old being an idiot.
I mean, I knew my ex for a year before we married and he was fine until a couple years into our marriage. And I’m generally a good judge of character.
No you aren’t. You just admitted so yourself.
It doesn’t make you a poor judge of character to be lied to. Lying is easy. I hope for your sake you can continue to sit in the place of privilege, and not be deceived by someone you care about. That is an ignorance I wish on everyone.
Oh no! It is impossible to tell if someone’s lying because it’s impossible to assess someone’s honesty because it’s impossible to emphasise with people!
Why would you be so cruel. In a healthy developmental process, you get lied to by your parents about the location of your nose so that you learn to not be too trusting. No, they didn’t actually steal it and yes, they did have tells.
What about “here is how you’ll be safer, how you’ll lead a nicer life, yes a safer and nicer life is possible” is victim blaming. I’m not blaming you for being fucked up, I’m encouraging you to fix it. If that offends you then you have deeper issues than assholes existing in the world.
It’s not your fault that society is fucked up, that interpersonal alienation is rampant, that people wear masks so heavy that they lose the capacity to see other people’s masks, but it would be your fault if it stays that way because the one you wear is your responsibility.
I don’t need to fix anything because I am not the problem. Historically, systemically and individually I am not the problem. I will continue to go about my life with my eyes wide open with risk assessment. I’m happy for you that you’re safe but I’m sad that you don’t seem able to listen to what all the women (and some men) in these comments are saying.
It was you who asked, and I quote:
Which means you do have (not “are”) a problem: You can’t distinguish assholes from non-assholes. Or how else am I to interpret that question?
You asked for advise about the topic. I pointed you into directions and now somehow I’m the bad guy? I’m the asshole for providing you with information you, specifically, asked for? You’re accusing me of not listening to you because I answered your question?
If you want emotional support, ask for emotional support, don’t ask for solutions. I actually thought male-female relationships had evolved past that particular point of misunderstanding but it seems they haven’t.
When your response is “if in doubt, ask a man you trust” and women have shit threat radars, “tickling”. Those are not solutions.
I wasn’t asking for solutions or emotional support.
Quick recap for you: “How can you tell which is which when they’re all dressed as men?” And then you responded withpatronising incorrect victim blaming bullshit 👏👏👏 You’re basically advocating the missing stair which is all kinda of fucked up. But also! Evidently men don’t know which one of you are risk factors - many of you don’t even see a risk.
It was a rhetorical question for reasons that you can’t or won’t understand.